Max White “Reviews” The Nike SB Dunk Low Elite

The Nike SB Dunk Elite put through the rigorous test of $15 bodega juice…

We had fun last time, didn’t we? So, the good folks over at Ripped Laces gave yer boy another shot at a review.

This leads me to the next choice of shoe I review, which is the Nike SB Zoom Dunk Low Elite.

Last minute addition by author:
I could not imagine the excruciating pain Sean Malto experienced after his near-career ending ankle injury that he suffered back in 2013, who the Dunk Low Elite is modeled for his namesake. That was, until I watched the recently released video of him and Donovan playing a game of skate and Malto attempting to “talk shit.” After clicking play, I suffered trauma to my ear drums that rivaled child birth mixed with mechanically aided sodomy. Nobody wants to see Theotis Beasley in rehab slapping prostitutes, same goes for Malto; just be a proud member of #TeamNiceBoy and keep being one of the most technically advanced skaters on the planet.

That should be good enough.

Back to the shoe:
Today, I am reviewing the Nike SB Dunk Low Elite provided by my good friends at Premier Skate Shop. Hit the link!

“Hey Max, why are you reviewing the Dunk?” Well, I’ll get into the specifics in a few sentences, but first I wanted to ask some questions that the recently released documentary on the Dunk, “15 years of SB Dunk”, had me asking.

Well one really: In the first 30 seconds a voice over says “people like skating in them because they like feeling their board.”

Boardfeel? Boardfeel??! Boardfeel is the last thing I think of when I think about Dunks. A good Nike Dunk is like your dad’s baseball mitt: broken-in and drinks too much. Maybe for the 30 year anniversary Nike will interview people who actually had to pay for their Dunks. Just a thought. Moving on.

Pssst….I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. I love a Dunk, but maybe it’s that I like the idea of a Dunk. It’s like dating a stripper: sounds awesome ’til you have to help her do laundry. Being that I’m in my 30s, albino and 6’2, I thought my Dunk days were over, but after spending some time in Spain with one of my favorite skaters, Taylor Nawrocki, I thought I’d give it another try. Taylor Nawrocki is the kind of skater that makes you want to wear Dunks. Few things look as good on-board as a worn-in pair of Dunks coupled with the perfect pant. An added bonus to the Nike Dunk is that they’re flood proof, high-water resistant, tight-pant-rolled-up-cuff-mid shin resistant, if you didn’t get the first two metaphors.

“Wow Max, write enough already? You didn’t even get to the review yet.”

Patience my children. I talk for a living. No one said being my friend was easy. To the shoe.

First impression upon opening the box:
It’s like the Nike Dunk got a day job and a gym membership. It needed to slim down, sober up, and still cringes when people tag it in old college days photos on Facebook.

Review Day:
Nike made it ok for an almost middle age, white man from the Midwest to feel comfortable at the bar in a pair of Dunks. Why don’t they just call the shoe that? So, as I sit at the corner of my favorite bar in NYC, Goodnight Sonny, coming straight from a skate/sit session with other master division skateboarders (plus-30 crowd), I actually don’t have to hide my feet under the bar railing when attempting to court a 20 something member of the opposite sex (independent, strong minded, and consensual) who thinks I’m ordinary until she looks down at my feet and catches a glimpse of a fucking clown shoe. You see, dating civilians is hard enough when you’re a comedian that often works for free, never mind the insurmountable task of telling them that you also, in your 30s, still play skateboards. So I’m here reviewing the Zoom Dunk Low Elite – a slimmed down version of Nike’s staple offering.

Bar-ability (my word – meaning: able to wear to bar post-skate sesh)
5/10 – which is 10/10 in the world of Dunks. It’s a shoe that on Richard Mulder or Gino might look perfect, but on me looks like a snowboard boot that often goes to battle with my khakis. The dreaded Dunk-eats-pants situation. The slimmed down version remedies this situation; think Nike Dunk, but for an accountant.

Walk of Shame
2/10 – You ever wake up at a stranger’s house and try to silently slip back into a pair of Dunks with a hangover so bad they could name a mountain after it? You’ll end up with the exact broken ankle you tried to prevent by wearing Dunks in the first place. To put it in fewer words: Dunks have morning breath.

Support
10/10 – Most skaters look to the Nike SB Dunk for support, because no one in their family is giving them any. A slightly slimmed down version like the Dunk Low Elite is like a rich aunt who buys you cool shit like skate mags and cigs.

Timelessness
10/10 – The Nike Dunk is future-proof. Period.

Great for resting on the street too…

In summation
Buy this shoe. I know I’ll catch flack from Dunk Fans that think slimming down the original version is like pouring ketchup on filet mignon, but as long as the traditional version stays in production, both worlds can exist. Plus, who wants to have a conversation with sneaker heads anyways? They’re scarier than church.

Big thanks to the staff over at RL and Premier Skate Shop for the opportunity.

Let me know which shoe you’d like me to review next!
-Max


Max White is a New York City-based comic, skateboarder and the host of the Max White Presents… podcast in which he talks to, you guessed it, comics and skateboarders.

Tell him what product to review next on IG & Twitter.

Comments

  1. Michael Apple

    June 5, 2017 6:07pm

    Wearing dunks to the bar after a session and taking a girl home is a right of passage for Michigan skaters.

    Reply
  2. Moe

    June 6, 2017 2:27pm

    No word on how the mesh material breaks up in one hour?

    Reply
  3. Pnug

    June 6, 2017 7:29pm

    Do a review on the Ipath cats please.

    Reply
  4. Daniel R

    June 7, 2017 3:09am

    That was a shitty review, not once did he talk about skating it, how it wore, the grip, wear points etc. Sure he might be funny if you’re into that kinda humor, but still you can write a proper review and be comical at the time. My review of this review, 3/10,dudes garbage.

    Reply
  5. Oliver

    June 7, 2017 11:15am

    The placement of mesh on those is the most stupid I’ve seen on a skate shoe for many years..

    Reply
  6. Expecttheworst

    June 12, 2017 9:19pm

    These elites all look cheap/flimsy, like wearing a thin ruber sock painted to look like a dunk. At least the og and Ishod’s have texture and support.

    Reply
  7. Ares

    June 14, 2017 2:34am

    I had this dunk colorway in 2011 but it was not dunk sB, this color was issued many years ago.

    Reply

Leave a comment