News Update: How Handsome is too Handsome?

"We're getting fucked dressed up tonight!" -Erik Ellington

“We’re getting fucked dressed up tonight!” -Erik Ellington

We know, we know, there isn’t enough space on the internet for another Team Handsome article (these guys beat us to maximum capacity) but c’mon, our hand is practically forced with material like the ones featured here. Images, like the ones you’ll see here, are literally popping up online on a daily basis. It’s as if there was some unionized meeting between skateboarder’s about when it would be acceptable to skate at a fashion shoot. Between the integration of these high-end fashion shoots and skateboarding, it’s made us wonder, are skateboarder’s the next groundbreaking athletes (cringe) to bring fourth sex appeal?

By all means, this could be debated for days. Since the dawn of skateboarding, examples like Tony Alva were undoubtedly getting with groupies as if it were a part of his repertoire before competing in contests. The same can be said about Christian Hosoi. But today’s `generation of skater’s are on a completely different spectrum. Sure, legends like Alva and Hosoi were whore’d out by countless companies looking to bank on their rockstar imagery, but they did it while maintaining their masculinity, despite their outfits.

Exhibit A.

Exhibit A.

The answer to our initial question, as you expected it, is Yes. Teenage girls, Milfs, Cougars (is there a difference?) and grannys will fall in love with the imagery that mainstream skateboarders provide. If this photo above isn’t enough proof then, we’re stump. Tears represent a bunch of things but for a small town teenage girl, tears are the ultimate sign of appeal and love. She wants to get out of this shit town. Her mom married the captain of the football team hoping to accomplish the same and the best they did was create their offspring in hopes that she would one day be successful at doing what mommy couldn’t: meeting an athlete, falling in love and being yanked from their dead end town and sucked into a world similar to that of a basketball wife. If this girl is literally hyperventilating from emotional distress just from seeing Sean Malto (yuck, not our type.), this easily equates to, if given the option, willingly killing off a member of her family just to get a whiff of his t-shirt after the demo, amongst other things.

Ultimately, we find it just a little hard that these two people are the same.

Exhibit B: Ultimately, we find it just a little hard to imagine that these two people are the same.

With the commercialism of skateboarding running frantic, (speaking of which, what were they trying to sell us here?) we’re wondering how much longer until we see some Pro or Am pulling a Joe Namath? Imagine that, someone as popular and powerful, dressing up and selling feminine products… Some would argue that Corey Duffel already did with his promotion of hair products but we’ll discount that for the time being. If it wasn’t Duffel, then the only other poster-child for this Namath-like behavior would be Greco during his New York Dolls phase. Jeez. God only knows how much Jim made off of those Covergirl mascara royalties that year. How great would it have been if they were throwing out make-up remover instead of shirts and stickers at every demo?

Could it be that the reader’s of Esquire (only in Russia for some reason), Playboy and GQ need to know about skateboarding? What’s the harm? Between every time Wayne steps on a skateboard and Worldstar uploads the clip of him skating, it’s causing us to miss the days when we would be called “Tony Hawk” instead of “Oh shit, he like Wayne!” by onlookers.

How much longer until skateboarding dies again? We’ve got a photoshoot with Maxim on our Top 5 colognes to wear when skating a handrail that we just can’t miss…

Comments

  1. dooshtard

    October 18, 2013 5:41pm

    brb. gotta go touch up my hair gel.

    Reply
  2. Mark

    October 18, 2013 7:57pm

    These day, the world is full of people judging you by the way you look, especially the way you dress. If Koston, Malto, Gylette, and Reider now dress up like that, maybe they want to look presentable to most of the people today (especially the women) without getting the impression of being a douche bag or such. Reality check, when people nowadays see you rocking that late 90’s look (baggy pants, loose shirts, caps, and sh*t) they automatically assume you’re one. Even Brandon Biebel (whom I think is the most ghetto skater) started to wear slimmer pants and shirt.
    I don’t know about the prom-like look, though. I guess it’s okay if you work on a company and then skate after the shift; but being a skater not working on a company trying to dress like a business man just for fashion is just bull sh*t.

    Reply
    • Ron

      October 21, 2013 2:53am

      “… Brandon Biebel (whom I think is the most ghetto skater) ..”
      This had me laughing soo hard

  3. Chris Vu

    October 18, 2013 11:17pm

    Supreme!

    Reply
  4. Chris Vu

    October 18, 2013 11:17pm

    Reply
  5. T.A.

    October 20, 2013 5:27am

    I love seeing skateboard photos taken by fashion photographers or journalists. Most of those Koston shots make no sense. And in all those Nyjah shots the skatepark is suspiciously empty. Makes me wonder if they closed it off or not.

    Reply
  6. BlazeGlorious

    October 22, 2013 9:58pm

    If a 25+ year old man wants to look nice and not look like he slept under an unedrpass why the fuck not. As an industry American skateboarding has alot of growing to do (cuz Europe & Asaia are killing it at making an adult skate market.). Though its still a youth based market theres a growing number of adult skaters (including the subjects of this article) who have nothing in the industry they work in that repersents them. Why should Koston be a man child forever, he go 2 kids, a house and probably a few grey hairs.

    Check out http://www.AVNR.us fucking dope shit.

    Reply
    • Julian

      October 30, 2013 7:15am

      Basically this. It’s about time that adult skateboarders start dressing like adults. And ultimately, who gives a fuck? Focus on skateboarding.

Leave a comment